So lately, I've been having weird dreams. They usually involve killing cats, and this one taken bartender I know. And last night I saw a really weird dream about random stuff, but luckily I can't remember it well enough to explain it.

But this taken bartender. I guess it's true what they say;
Well, I guess I just have to live with it, even though I find myself having a little too strong feelings for this boy. Damn my over-emotional side.

Other than that life has been okay. I left the dusts of my hometown behind me, only for a while though, and now I'm in this bigger city a few hours away. I'm spending quality time with a friend who moved here to study music. I love this town, and this apartment to pieces. And it's only a few blocks away from all these shops and malls I can't afford to go to right now. I've been spending too much money as it is, money I don't have even. Just the necessities, like moisturizers and make-ep remover and face wash&toner. The basics. Cosmetic industry is my master and I'm its obediant bitch. Damn it. Oh well, I guess it's all the stuff I really need anyways, seeing as for two weeks now I've been going to bed with half of my make-up on just because the regular soaps just don't do the trick.

I should probably end this here. I have bunch of things to do. I was supposed to be reading a book, because my friend got a huge migraine and she had to go for a nap. I only sat down here to check the basics; e-mail, facebook, twitter. But then I felt the need to blog. I'm going back home on Tuesday (*weep*) and I should finally be able to move into the apartment on Thursday, the same day my school starts. Fingers crossed.

xoxo,
Pinz

This is just an update to let you know I'm still alive. I've been extremely busy the past few days, even though I've done absolutely nothing important. My friend from out of town called me on Friday completely out of the blue, and decided to come visit me. We've been hanging out, but - due to the lack of things to do here in my home town - we ended up basically just driving around and hanging out at my usual spot, which is a pub owned by my sister's future husband-to-be. Playing pool can get pretty boring quite fast, let me tell you. Bonus side of this long weekend, I gained a little bit of confifence and learned finally to walk in heels better and liking it. The thing is, this is a small town and since the pub is kind of my usual "hang out" i tend to drink free coffees at, I might not feel comfortable wearging heels there every fucking day. I would feel weird. I would love it, but I'm afraid people will look at me funny. Of course, I should just own up to it and be myself. Too bad I find my Vans slip-ons too damn comfortable :D

Anyway, I figured I should probably write a list here of few things I should do this week (or should have done weeks ago). This is list is mainly for my own purpose, so just ignore it if you want

• apply for student financial aid
• go get graduation pics from the photographer
• find out if the apartment is ready to move in to (doubtful, very doubtful)

wow.. that's it? well, that's all i can think of now. Now, I'd like to share a photo I saw today which completely blew my mind.

So. It's been quite a while since i poured my heart out on this livejournal. Somehow though, I find myself missing it since I haven't done it in so long. A lot has happened since I last posted, and it would be incredibly stupid of me to recap all that has been going on. so let's just call this a fresh start. What that means (aside the fact that this journal is becoming more active than it has been for the past year), is that all of my entries will be public from now on. I won't make the older entries public because ... well to be honest it would be a hassle, not to mention time consuming to edit all the entries one by one and i would just rather not make my past viewable by everyone. I'm not too proud of it, and I'm here to live in the present.

Anyway, enough of that little beginning rant, and onto the brutally honest part of the entry.

Life Sucks.

And I don't mean in the way of "OMG I'm so lonely and miserable and nobody loves me" -kind of a way (which, let's face it, is what I tend to think on a hourly basis, even though I don't have a very good reason to do so). What I mean is that life does suck from time to time. Like right now, If I leave out the fact that I am in fact a lonely person, not having met "the one" (assuming such person exists for me out there), I just don't have my affairs in order. Okay, maybe that's a poor choice of words since I'm not actually dying, but you get the point, right? What I mean is I don't have enough money to cover my bills as it is, and my job sucks since I'm not getting enough hours to get paid more. In my line of work, you can only do so many hours and since there are people who have been working longer grabbing every shift they can get their hands on, there really aren't enough shifts for everyone. I have been searching for another job, but it's been slim pickins to be honest. I've applied for a job at a local night club, but I guess I didn't get it since I never heard from them. Sucks too, I would have been awesome for the job since I know all of the employees there already, and that's just one of the reasons I would have rocked it out like no one's business.

My apartment's still being renovated. I've been living with my folks for a week or so now and I'm literally pulling my hair out. It's kind of frustrating to live with them after six months of coming and going as I please. Other than that's it's been fine living here. Of course they drive me crazy from time to time, but they're my parents. They were built to do that, right?
I should be getting to my brand new apartment soon enough, though. In like a week or so.

Lonely. That's the word of the ...month? Yes, I have friends. They do really help, from time to time. But the selfish (and slightly emoish) kid that I am I really truly feel that they don't sometimes get me. It's like they don't comfort me when I tell them how lonely it feels, they just say things like "cheer up, you have us, you're not alone" and expect me to feel okay right after. But that's the thing. I know I'm not alone, but I'm lonely. There's a difference. There actually is a song that by OKGO that says;

You don't have to be alone to be lonely.

I just kind of hope I can get them to realize it too. Cause I really am starting to feel like I'm not a person who can survive on their own, without that significant other to call their own. One who I can call when I had the crappiest day ever and who will stand by me no matter what.

To find love, is that too much to ask?

I guess it is.